


All you never say

by crayons



Series: Question mark [2]
Category: fromis_9 (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 07:23:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16132433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayons/pseuds/crayons
Summary: In which Saerom and Gyuri spend their last day at camp thinking about their first.





	All you never say

“You have a bit of a rebellious side to you, don’t you think?”

Saerom sees Gyuri turn very slowly, as if punishing her of her ignorance—or belated observation—or perhaps simply merely trying to add to the dramatics of it all. There is a quiet stillness, as though they had both held their breaths, and Gyuri examines her face for a clue towards a satisfactory answer, but she only flashes a smile, and it distracts Saerom almost completely she begins to think of another thing altogether.

“Why do you say that?” Gyuri asks a bit later. But Saerom doesn’t really know why she said that, or why she needs a confirmation, so instead she asks her another thing she’s curious about.

“Do you always have to win?”

It has been a yearly tradition at camp that on their last full day, they play several rounds of dodge ball to decide on who gets to spend time with the camp dog Lucy, who seems to have earned herself celebrity status because of her obedience and handsomeness. The Labrador retriever seems to be the princess of camp, all brown and beautiful, who with just her presence invites onlookers.

“Only when it matters.” She says it as if it settles everything.

“Wait, why are you here?” Saerom almost drops the plate she’s putting away.

“Can’t I be here?” The plates that Gyuri has wiped dry began to pile up quickly as Saerom remains unmoving.

“No! I mean, yes, if you want to. But why are you here?”

“You don’t want my help?”

“You’re here to help me?”

“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” Gyuri ends up putting the plates away too, since Saerom seems to be frozen in place, unable to reason with the thoughts that run around her mind. The sudden pouring of rain snaps her out of her thoughts, and she helps tidy the sink and the tables. It has been raining almost every day, and on their last year at camp too. Many of their outdoor activities got cancelled, that instead of hiking, they spent the day playing table tennis and video games, and lazing around reading books. And it’s not a bad thing at all, in fact Saerom likes reading, but she can read any other time and reading feels less exciting compared to what these few special days of camp can offer.

Gyuri sneaks behind her. She’s been stalling again, it seems.

“I hope it doesn’t rain so hard.”

Saerom nods, “But I’ve been losing hope for the bonfire actually.”

The bonfire is another one of the camp’s last day traditions. They light a fire in the amphitheater, talk about things they want to say, farewells usually, and they make a wish. It seems silly but they’ve been doing it for years on end and most of Saerom’s wishes have come true, so she usually saved her wishes for the last day of camp instead of her birthday, because in here, they usually come true.

Gyuri pinches her cheek, her smile getting bigger as she tugs at a small supple part. “C’mon, if you think like that it won’t let up.”

Despite her desperate cries for surrender, Gyuri held on tighter. Saerom tries to reach for Gyuri’s cheek as well when it becomes apparent that she isn’t going to let go any time sooner, but Gyuri is taller, and faster, so she dodges quickly. But that manages to help her break free. She rubs her cheek, and goes to the nearest mirror to check its state. A seemingly apologetic Gyuri appears behind her reflected on the mirror, no longer donning a smile. Saerom pouts because of the slight pain, evident because her cheek has become quite red in the process.

“Hey, let me see it.” Concern coats Gyuri’s voice, which is comforting at the very least, even though this is a problem of her own doing. “I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t think it would hurt so much.”

Saerom turns to face her. Then Gyuri starts to remember the first day of their first year at camp when Saerom spent most of her time in bed nursing a stomachache, and where several of her roommates had a scheduled turn to go to the clinic to see if she was okay, or if she needed anything. She remembers thinking Saerom seemed so fragile then, given the situation as well – stuck in the outskirts of the city without a hospital within the ten kilometer distance, on the first day of camp nonetheless. Gyuri had strained a muscle then too, and was given a band to wear around her ankle and was asked to stay in bed, but she walked and didn’t mind the pain, so she approached the only other person in the room. So the two of them spent their first day of their first year of camp like that, the one who was sick taken care of by one who was injured.

“Coax me into not being mad anymore.”

“You’re mad?”

“A little upset maybe?”

“With me?” Gyuri pokes around the reddish area on Saerom’s cheek.

“With who else?”

“Do you want me to read you a book just like before?”

On the first day of their first year at camp, they discovered that they both brought the same book to read. Self help. Or something similar to a self help book. They both delighted at their shared interest, and Gyuri offered to read to her the part where she left off since she looked bored without anything to do.

“ _I_ read to you. You slept.”

On the first day of their first year at camp, Gyuri settled comfortably next to Saerom in her bed, eventually passing her the book to read and the next thing Saerom knew she was thirsty and Gyuri was sleeping. So the two of them spent their first day of their first year of camp like that, the one who was injured taken care of by one who was sick.

“Hey, I got you a glass of water!”

“Well, what do you think is it that I need now?”

Gyuri becomes quiet suddenly, only staring at the small area of her face where she still feels a slight prickly sensation. It’s not a big deal actually. It’s not that painful but Saerom wanted to stretch how far Gyuri would go for her if she was in pain again.

“What do you want me to do?” Gyuri asks more seriously, more earnestly than Saerom has ever seen and heard from her before. It feels strange to have her so worried, and so willing to give in to anything Saerom would say. She turns to look at the mirror again, unable to look directly at such a display of sincerity.

“I’m just pulling your leg…”

From the reflection, she sees Gyuri come closer, but it still surprises her. Gyuri kisses her on her other cheek, and she feels the blood gush to her face so much that it even masks the redness from her pinching. Gyuri starts walking backwards when Saerom turns to face her again.

“I was going to kiss you at the bonfire, but with the rain and all –”

“What?”

“I figured I should do it now. In case the chance never comes.”

“What?”

“I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“What?”

“I like you.”

That, she says with a small shy smile. Saerom can recount many of Jang Gyuri’s smiles, and the occasions in which she does them. In fact, Saerom seems to associate memories with the kind of smile she has or the lack thereof, like how other people associate certain scents to memories. But this smile. This one. She has never seen her smile like that. None of her teeth are showing, and her eyes are looking towards her, only her, and if Gyuri says any bit more maybe Saerom’s knees would give out, movie cliché scene and all.

“If the bonfire happens, I’m going to find you, okay?”

Saerom’s brain has short-circuited a little while back that she can only manage a nod. There are many things to ask, and many things to say but the moment Saerom takes a step forward, Gyuri has already taken a step back, and out of the room she goes. 

*

Seoyeon beckons her to come closer with a wave of her hand, and Saerom hesitantly complies because if anything Seoyeon looks like she’s up to something and whatever it is knowing her it can’t possibly be good.

“Aren’t you gonna go inside and play with Lucy?”

“I didn’t win at dodge ball.”

Seoyeon tilts her head, pouting a little and it’s cute. She’s a baby so it’s cute.

“Don’t you think you’re a little old to be believing in stuff like that?” Seoyeon drags her inside, “You don’t need to win at anything sometimes.”

Saerom didn’t realize she had certain expectations – of how fun and religious of an experience spending time with the camp dog might be, but in reality, many of the girls are simply lazing around, napping in bean bags and drinking hot choco while chatting. Lucy is at a corner, staying still, and Saerom approaches with small careful steps before petting her. And then she hugs, and strokes her golden fur.

Seoyeon sits next to her and gives her a cup of tea. “I know you don’t like sweets.”

“I always looked forward to this.”

“Don’t you know who you’re talking to? I’m most excited about camping.”

Saerom laughs, reminded of the moment Seoyeon got on the bus on the way here, all smiley and jumpy. “Of course. I won’t take that away from you. But I meant spending time with Lucy.”

“This is your first time?” Seoyeon scratches Lucy’s head, and gives her a toy.

“Yea, ‘cos I’m an old hag who believes in old silly traditions.”

Seoyeon tries to stifle her laughter, “Makes sense.”

And then Saerom begins to carefully examine the room, scooping out every little space.

“Are you looking for someone?” Seoyeon begins to do the same.

“Gyuri isn’t here?”

She glances at her meaningfully, “Why should she be here?”

“Because of dodge ball.”

“You got hit on the first game, and yet you’re here, aren’t you?”

“Now you’re just making fun of me.”

But relief comes with the confirmation that she isn’t around. Saerom can’t imagine facing her so quickly after their exchange earlier. What should she say? Saerom has felt it for a while, this undeniable need to be close. One smile is all it took. One smile from across the room, carrying the promise of the secret of their first meeting. Their youthful stubbornness, and false first impressions, and her head on top of her shoulder while she read quietly, and her hands on top of hands, fingers Saerom cannot even recognize if it is hers or Gyuri’s. 

“Does that mean you also don’t believe in the bonfire wish?”

“I can’t say I don’t.” Seoyeon begins, “Wishes are sacred. That’s the truest of our desires, the desires we can’t give a voice to.”

“How old are you again?”

“Younger than you.”

“What are you wishing for this year?” Saerom asks, because it seems like Seoyeon will answer anyway. And maybe mostly because she knows Seoyeon won’t ask her the same question, because she’s just an old hag who believes in old silly traditions.

“A bike, even though I don’t know how to ride one.” Sometimes she seems so mature, sometimes she’s just a baby.

“Well, you have to get one to learn how to.”

“Exactly! That’s what I’ve been telling my parents!”

Saerom laughs, “So you go around telling people what you want?”

“Well, I’m one of the braver ones.”

*

The sun sets and the night sky comes with a drizzle. The grounds are wet and the drizzle can turn into a rain shower at any time but they attempt to light a fire anyway. If worst comes to worst, they can light a few fireworks under the shed near the lake.

The rain becomes stronger as they try to put the fireworks in safekeeping. Thankfully they’ve reached the shed near the lake, but none of them had an umbrella to use to be able to go back to their lodging. The shed is small and old, made out of an old container truck. Unfortunately, making the rain sound worse than it actually is, like they’re stuck in the middle of a terrible storm.

Gyuri arrives with several umbrellas in hand, distributing them among the girls and urging them to go ahead, and only after the girls have made their way out, does she spot Saerom huddled quietly in the corner. She puts her hand out to help her get up.

“We should get going as well.”

“The bonfire isn’t happening, is it?”

She kneels in front of Saerom when she looks like she has no plans of getting up, with Gyuri finally asking. “Why are you so insistent on the bonfire?”

“I have to make my wish.”

“You have a bit of a rebellious side to you, don’t you think?”

If Saerom still had an inkling of humor left in her in this situation maybe she would have laughed. Certainly, it is foolish and rather unwise to think that one can go against nature, or against the gods if they exist, for something as trivial as her own pitiful request. And perhaps that should be the thing she is laughing at, not the echo of her own question to Gyuri this morning, now being directed towards her.

Saerom had not been the one to believe in luck. But what is it then, if it is not luck, that Gyuri is here with her?

“I’m used to not getting what I want.” Gyuri continues, perhaps answering now after evading the question earlier.

But Saerom thinks oppositely. She sees Gyuri as someone who has _more_. And while comparisons are awful, Saerom sees Gyuri as someone who has more than what she has. Someone who isn’t lacking at all at anything. Beauty, brains, talents, friends, money. So how could she say she doesn’t get what she wants when – “Oh, you mean _me_?” Her voice doesn’t even quiver, she doesn’t even stutter, from where could she have gathered the courage to blurt it out so plainly is beyond what Saerom can thoroughly think of at the moment, just that she has now given it a voice and that maybe she shouldn’t hold back any longer.

“I told you, didn’t I?” Gyuri holds her gaze, “I’m in love with you.”

Saerom springs forward, grabbing Gyuri by the back of her neck and pressing their lips together. And while Saerom does not have a particular liking or craving for sweets, she goes ahead anticipating to taste those on her lips. Gyuri’s hands settle on her waist that when she pulls back, Gyuri is quick to draw her into an embrace.

“Me too,” is what Saerom whispers at the crook of Gyuri’s neck. “I think I love you too.”

There is no need for a bonfire, or fireworks. No need for grand gestures, or wishes. Just a bit of courage. Especially since they’ve both felt this way since a long long time ago, on the first day of their first year at camp when they fell asleep holding hands.


End file.
